When I was very young, my knees were bent at close to 45 degrees, requiring extensive physiotherapy and splinting to get them to straighten. Whilst I look back and am thankful for what it achieved, it was a horrible experience!
I remember my legs being strapped overnight into large heavy splints with a bar in between each leg to prevent movement. Each night was filled with frustration or tears; not to mention the outright defiance as I got older! I’d be sure to rip the splints off in the middle of the night in order to gain such ‘restful’ sleep.
Each time an adjustment was needed, a new splint was made – much like plaster casting a broken leg, but putting increased pressure on the joint in an attempt to straighten the joint. This went on for years, and, the reality is that it was a huge success. My legs became the strongest part of my body. Bike riding became a passion and my knees were my strength. Most other joints let me down; but not my knees! At least not until I was around 20 years old. Things changed dramatically. Walking became difficult and I got weaker. Bike riding became a novelty experienced reserved for flat terrain and the elusive ‘good days’. I missed it. I still miss it.
I was given a new lease on life after a total knee replacement of my left knee in September 2012. I slowly rebuilt strength and found a new desire to walk… That lasted around 3 months: just long enough to give me a taste of independence and excitement that this physical body can do more! And then it happened: the right knee decided that it had done enough, that it had been compensating for the left for too long and couldn’t keep up.
If all goes to plan, I will be undergoing a second total knee replacement in just under 3 weeks time. There is a significant bow in my leg, putting pressure on the knee and causing uneven erosion of the bones. To make matters slightly more complicated, my right ankle turns inward and is almost on the ground. I know that we’re venturing again into the world of the unknown and sometimes, I’ll be honest, the fear overwhelms me. We know the road ahead is hard. It’s long and arduous. There will be triumphs and set backs. Every time I face surgery I’m never completely sure that I’ll have the strength to get through it. But, get through it, I do, and get through this, we will.
I was reminded tonight that one of the benefits of going through such a journey is the strength that results. It was a timely reminder that though the path set before us unknown, there is hope in the journey. There are triumphs and joys amongst the hard times. There are people to share the journey with, and a changed life ahead to enjoy .
I hope to look back in 18 months time and see that it was well worth it; that the strength will far outweigh the pain of the journey. In the meantime, I’ll take one day at a time, possibly even one minute at a time. I’ll celebrate the successes and look forward to seeing progress; and among the tears and pain, I hope to have those near and dear to make bring much joy and laughter 😉
Peace for the journey
Strength be near
Love overflow
Joy be complete
Grace abound
Life be lived
xx
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