I’ve been here before. Pain unrelenting, rising and falling unpredictably, bringing life to a halt. Flashes of pain strike like lightning to cripple each moment. Stiffness screaming for relief while straining for every inch of movement.
I’ve been here before. Tears flowing down my face at 3am while the rest of the world sleeps. Uncomfortable no matter how I place myself. Pain shouting louder, as it does with most things after midnight. How long will it last this time? When will relief come?
I’ve been here before. The isolation and discomfort. Watching the world go by as life gives way to survival. Bystanders confused as to why these bones don’t bounce like the rest; unaware of the complications of a chronic illness, poor immune system and low bone density. Once again, that which sounds simple is not. There is good reason why I’ve been told not to fall.
I’ve been here before. Disappointment and cancellations. Struggling to let go of expectations of the ‘shoulds’ and ‘have to’s’ of life. Letting down the family yet again. Or at least that how it feels sometimes. Trying desperately hard to keep going where it really counts. Playing games on the bed and reading books. Being available for a cuddle. If I can grimace through the pain.
I’ve been here before. Coping with moments and with days but days turn to weeks and weeks may turn to months. As the mental drain ebbs and flows, the torment of the mind is often greater than the pain. The exhaustion of pain begging for rest that doesn’t come.
I’ve been here before. Whether days, weeks or months, I know the pain will ease. Or at least, I live with hope that life will resume again and rebuilding will take place.
I’ve been here before. Though I don’t want to be here and it’s hard to endure yet again, I know there is grace enough to withstand even amidst tears. The sun will rise on a new day and joy will return. The waiting is the hard bit…
“This too shall pass – it might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass!”
– unknown author